Epic Movie Rant Is Epic

John C. Wright is not impressed with the second movie in "The Hobbit" trilogy.

I loved the first Hobbit movie and hated, hated, hated the second. It was stupid on every level of stupidity. It is rightly to be called THE DESOLATION OF TOLKIEN.

While I enjoyed "Desolation", I really have to agree with him.  The number or divergences from the actual, you know, story of "The Hobbit" were hardly subtle.  There is a reason that the lovely Mrs. Robb refers to "The Hobbit" as "That Middle-Earth Movie".

Here is a taste to whet your appetite for the whole thing:

Just when I picked myself again off the sticky floor of the theater, blearily wondering where the Hobbit character was after whom this movie was apparently named might be, BAM! The familiar Hammer came down again. This time, it was a scene where Orlando Bloom is standing a zillion feet away from the evil orc bounty hunter Slopgog the Unmentionable or whatever his name is, and he does not shoot him with an elf arrow. 

I sat there, rocking back and forth with my eyes crossed, and through the stream of drool and vitreous humor leaking down my chin I muttered again and again, “Shoot him with an elf arrow. Shoot. Him. With. An. Elf. Arrow. SHOOT HIM WITH AN ELF ARROW! 

But no. No elf arrow was forthcoming.

I have no doubt that "Shoot him with an elf arrow!" will quickly become a family idiom.