The Embedded Theologian: Quotes

Highlights of some of the Quotes of the Day that have appeared on my Facebook wall and other locations. Attributions present where I remembered to include them, or could find them after the fact. If you would like to check out the Quotes of the Day that have made it to the blog, they are all nicely tagged for your viewing pleasure.

FAQ

For those who notice: yes, I very often have more than one QOTD. "How can he do that?" you may ask yourself. Here, I reveal to you my secret, so that you may make it yours... I do not say which day. For instance, one of the below quotes is my QOTD for 12 Tishrei 2592. A previous quote was for the first day of Zhengyue in XinChou, the Year of the Ox. Another was, in fact, my QOTD for April 17th, 1843 C.E.

Simple, eh? Of course, the pattern by which these dates are assigned is left as an exercise for the reader...

Barry C.

On Keith Olbermann: "He was on a direct trajectory to public access cable as a political commentator..."
"Anyone who doesn't hear the drumbeats of war needs to get their hearing checked."
"At this point, I'm guessing Jefferson and Hamilton are spinning like lathes."
"For whatever reason, this makes the propellor on my beanie spin fast."
"I am now stocking up for the Zombie Apocalypse, figuring that all lesser included apocalypses are covered if I manage to plan for that one."
"I personally have seething contempt for all you people, yet it pales next to my self-loathing."
"Right now we're moving in exactly the wrong direction on mental health care: we're announcing a plan to require shrinks to report violent patients into a database. In other words, we're prominently announcing disincentives for troubled people to seek care. It's not too bright."
"Right now we're running our country like a heavily armed insurance company... SS, Medicare, Medicaid and Defense are the lion's share of our current spending, and everything else the Federal government does is (comparatively) accounting noise."
"Small-l libertarian America is a big tent. Or, rather, it's a big campground with a lot of small tents, campers and hexayurts clustered together, plus the odd geodesic dome."
"When your primary political criteria are shared by a comparative few, you quickly get used to making alliances with people on the subjects you can agree on."

Boris B.

"There is less spattering and blood here, but on the plus side I didn't have to break open any brainpans with a hatchet."
"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he liked eating pizza... before it was cool."

Chap G.

"Grunts will know all about shooting a variety of weapons. Squids think that anything that doesn't take a team to prep and fire and a ship to carry it around in isn't really a weapon a'tall."
"You can take your Godwin's Law uncomprehending anti-science NIMBY/BANANA woo-woo scaremongering single-risk-obsessed trash and shove it."
On al Qaeda: "Whoever called them dead needs to find a new coroner."
"...if one is eating revelatory food in the economy seat of an airplane, there is a problem with one's life."
"Clearly bacon is a miracle food."
"Clearly this is a defining cultural event of our time, like the final episode of Roots or the return of the McRib."
"I attended a relatively technical school (How to Run a Nuclear Reactor in 4200 easy steps). Several people at the school were the smartest people in the world. They told me so themselves. The laughter echoing down the halls when they failed out made jet engines seem like kittens purring."
"I have discovered that with the right suit jacket, one can concealed carry a rubber chicken."
"I have just delivered a rubber chicken to the U.S. Ambassador to Iraq."
"There are always people who were right in hindsight..."
"You know how it is. People don't react well to 'Don't just do something; stand there!'"

Dustbury

"You are crunchy and go well with hummus."
“Health,” I said, “is the slowest possible rate of dropping dead.”

Jim Treacher

On Keith Olbermann: "Hang in there, Keith. The sixth time’s the charm."
"How many people have died as a direct result of Obama’s actions? Oh, that’s right, we stopped keeping count as soon as the Republican left office."
"I don't know where Barack Obama keeps his Nobel Peace Prize, but I know where he can put it."
"The smart fellers call it a “preference cascade.” I call it satisfaction."
"What's that word for when you keep putting stuff off because you don't feel like doing it right now? I should probably look that up."

John Patricelli

"I tried baking a cake, but it didn’t turn out right, the bacon was soggy."
“I’m saying shut up. I know I’m saying it because I can hear the words coming out of my mouth. But somehow, you’re not doing it."

Ace of Spades

"The loftiest purpose of art is to fill the viewer with a sense of superiority that says, 'I could do better than that with my feet.'"
"Perhaps we should start a list of women Filner didn't sexually harass."

Kristine K.

On the Steelers being 0-4: "... it's good for us to learn what it's like to be a Browns fan."
"... if I could find a way to fill this place with knitting, gun-toting, philosophical bikers, I'd be one happy wool peddler."
"I think you can have a community of hermits. Basically, we'll occasionally yell at each other across the valley."
"So, I guess I'm counterculture now. Awesome."
"They must not fund it in a boat. They must not fund it with a goat. I do not like it here or there. I do not like Obamacare."

Larry Correia

"Heh. I'm a verb!"
"I wonder what 'CNN blogger' pays? Points on his Subway card?"
"If you are a grown up, and you have to fall back on your college GPA to try and show how smart you are, you just failed at life."
"Nanowrimo? I call that Tuesday."
"This may come as a shock to some of you gentle readers, but I am politically opinionated."

Paul B.

"I don't get it... you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore."
"I'm going to go out on deck and air-punch some imaginary hippies."

Radley Balko

"But the most important battle today isn't between right and left, but between those who question and fear established power and those who embrace it, are indifferent to it, or who hope to someday wield it."
"They're not even pretending anymore."

Roberta X

On TV news personalities: "... they'd bite the heads off chickens, if it tested well in focus groups."
"Being prepared for self-defense is like keeping a fire extinguisher in the kitchen: the ideal situation is to have it and never get into the position of needing it."

Sarah A. Hoyt

On planning for alternate employment... "Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll rant at people for a living."
"... we’re Americans. Our top of the heap is SUPPOSED to be loud, ostentatious and vulgar. At least according to Europeans. And that’s just our GOOD side."
"Enough of this rat cage. It’s time to own infinity."
"I know I have several leftist fans who roll their eyes at my politics. It’s good for them. I raise their blood pressure and thereby get them the benefit of exercise without the trouble."
"Look, this blog is my living room. If you come in my living room and accuse me of puppy blending, I’m going to defend myself."

Shamus Young

"If the kids are awake at the end of a celebration, you have done something wrong."
"Sure, it’s dangerous, inconvenient, and unstable, but Microsoft was nice enough to leave it undocumented so you wouldn’t trouble yourself with it."

Tam

"Did you know this camera can make phone calls?"
"Euros have a proven zero-to-jackboots time lower than just about anybody on the planet."
"Here’s some thoughts on which to chew: #1) I think it is highly unlikely that I will ever need a firearm to save my life. #2) I have already been wrong about #1 on more than one occasion."
"Note to self: Avoid applying for jobs where "Hippo Mauling" is considered an occupational hazard."

Miscellaneous

Aaron O'Dell: "I’ve been considering changing my legal name to O’DELETE FROM users."
Alan Kuhn: "... if Breathing wasnt involuntary, there is a significant part of the population that would die in minutes."
Borepatch: "The older I get it seems, the longer the pelt of my Wookie Suit becomes."
Boris Karpa: " Just because these things work doesn't mean they should be done."
Carlos Velasco: "The LCM has the hydrodynamic properties of a brick."
Chad Miller: "Ya know, whenever you search google for something like "gethostbyaddr_r reentrant freebsd", and find a page written by someone you find witty, clever, and full of wisdom, only to continue reading and discover that it's yourself, well, then it's probably time to get off the 'net."
Charlie Martin: "[Al Jazeera] is preferable to, say, MSNBC because there’s not so much insufferable preening."
Comment on a Washington Post article about Afghanistan: "Because foreign affairs is simple."
D Jason Fleming: "If I had a crazy uncle, he'd look like Chris Matthews."
Dana Koluezez Brown: "I say, when it doubt, saute with garlic and olive oil."
David Burge: "After Obama's masterful handling of this Syria problem, that Afghanistan withdrawal is gonna go totally smooth."
Dee McGowan: "What? You've never meditated in a crop circle before?"
Don Surber: "At a press conference before the White House sock puppets, President Obama outlined a new program to make the National Security Agency appear to protect the privacy of Americans while spying on them. The agency now will have to pause for two Mississippis before trampling the Constitution."
Eeyore: "You need a youth extractor device. Seriously, with several kids to draw from, the effect on each is negligible. They heal so quickly!"
Gaye Forren: "I love how all cats, regardless of size, get the same look of bone deep dignity when they are sitting in a box. 'Why yes. I am sitting in a box. Thank you for noticing, you pathetic boxless human.'"
Gerard Van der Leun: "I try to become more cynical every day, but lately I just can't keep up."
Glenn Reynolds: "Governments exist, historically, for only one reason: Because they’re really, really good at killing people."
Greg Jent: "When you blow people into small pieces using missiles launched from submarines it's an act of war."
Jim @ The Travis McGee Reader: "In a sane nation, "Contempt of Congress" would not be a crime. It would be a Pulitzer Prize category."
Jon Bennett: "I've decided that whatever product the next company I start makes, it will be something whose eBay listing can say... 'signs of carbon scoring, and looks like it has seen a lot of action but is fully armed and operational......'"
Juliet Lapidos, NYT staff editor: "How is the Huffington Post handling the NYT outage? Do they have contingency plans?"
Karza Baron: "If I was that stupid I'd have to leave notes to myself not to sit in the backseat while driving my car."
Kurt Wall: "Like I said, I see no good reason to act my age. That I am apparently incapable of doing so is quite beside the point."
Linus Torvalds on Intel: "How can a company with so many good engineers have so many crazy marketing people? Their parties must be lots of fun, but you guys need to sober up before you start coming up with CPU numbering schemes."
Megan McArdle: "An ADHD day trader with a cocaine habit and six months to live has considerably more long-term planning skills than our current congress."
Michael Grant on Ariel Castro's suicide: "Forced confinement didn't suit him."
Michael McIntosh: "Progress IS being made. I just wish it involved less yak shaving. "
Michael Z. Williamson: "Let's not forget the risk Wikileaks presents to the secret identities of our superheroes."
Mike Aitken: "I can't stand uneducated rioters."
Mike Eddy: "Kerberos is like a ferret soaked in kerosene. One false move and whoosh!"
Nicole Sarrocco: "Even if you don't have a block captain or neighborhood covenants, I'm pretty sure it's violating something to attempt to create a drive-through espresso stand out of your neighbor's double-wide with your logging bulldozer."
Random Forum Dude: "That guy's a misfiring fruit-bat!"
Robb Allen: "With enough velocity, any restaurant becomes a ‘drive through’."
Rob Lawrence: "Evil occurs with actuarial predictability under the conditions that allow it to exist."
Russ Barnes: "The entire American news media has been replaced by 1000 tweaked-out monkeys furiously refreshing their Twitter feeds."
Sid Stafford: "Need more Charles James Napier, and less Margaret Mead."
The Lovely Mrs. Robb: "Sam speaks fluent boy." (Why, yes. Yes I do.)
Stephen Cole: "My kids at least are only vaguely aware that the iPhone offers voice communication."
The Silicon Graybeard: "Mayor Bloomberg said a large storm was illegal, and they needed to send two medium sized storms."
Wayne Brocket: "A flintlock rifle was worth between 9 and 13 beaver skins."

Unattributed

On C++11 features: "Many are very C++ esque: If you use them correctly, you get safe and fast code. If you use them incorrectly, you shoot yourself in the foot with a nuclear-powered chainsaw on rockets."
On Detroit: "I'm just disgusted at the political and divisive attempt to make the failure of a city about the people who have run it for half a century."
"... I don’t recall any of my siblings taking on a parent role. Particularly the one that zipped me into a suitcase."
"And what does North Korea need a weather satellite *for*, anyway? What's it going to tell them? 'Tomorrow will be partly famine, with a chance of starvation'?"
"Consider the implications of vast hordes of mathematicians roving the plains. While I value my mathematical colleagues the majority of them should not be out in public without a minder. They *will* wander into traffic if not stopped."
"Emacs is pretty much an IDE; an IDE with a suboptimal text editor..."
"Having a fire on the beach and having the beach on fire are two completely different things"
"I am all over it like corgis on a cupcake."
"I know that you believe you understand what you think you wrote, but I'm not sure you realize that what you wrote is not what you meant."
"I think Chicago's official city motto is 'Hey, at least we're not Detroit.'"
"I was glad to see that the Cigarette Smoking Man wanted the NFC to win this year."
"I'll have to google Mordor."
"If you replaced your account with a script that randomly pulled 'Wire' quotes and rambling about beer, I wonder if anyone would notice..."
"If you torture the data enough, IT WILL CONFESS!"
"If you're easily offended, then you're easily manipulated."
"Most people who consider themselves programmers are employed effectively selling underpants on the internet using LAMP."
"One day, someone in some busybody capacity will have determined that saying "Good morning" is a terrorist threat. What then?" "Don't be silly, "Good Morning" is sexual harassment."
"Sometimes you don't know whether to laugh, cry, or call in an airstrike."
"Somewhere along the line we stopped thinking big."
"Tarantulas have a lot of common sense … for arachnids."
"That which is blonde eternal lies; And with strange eons even death may dye."
"The dirty little secret of our American Republic is that our ungovernability at the national level is a feature, not a bug."
"The emperor fiddling on Fallon while the economy burns."
"Then again, the could just be Hollywood dumb."
"There is only one principle that the Left consistently adheres to, and it's a fear and loathing of the individual manifested by a blind devotion to ever-increasing governance."
"There is something very wrong with America when you can have a serious discussion about 'you won’t need to smuggle in a Big Gulp. You can buy one legally.'"
"There's always more history. It's an unfortunate side-effect of time."
"They're going to have to create the "Fourth Degree Burn" classification in honor of Iowahawk."
"We’ve talked about operating systems and game consoles. Keeping civil with regards to politics is nothing compared to that."
"When have politicians ever let data get in the way of a bad decision?"
"When my kids were in their early teens, I swear they could come through the front door and within 60 seconds, turn on 500 watts worth of assorted load *each*. Ever since, and after comparing notes with colleagues, I've claimed that one of the defining characteristic of dads who've had teenagers is a compulsive urge to turn things off and sit quietly in the dark."
"You cannot wield it. None of us can. The IRS answers to the Democrats alone. It has no other master."
"…so here I am, upgrading my 8.x version to have new utilities so that I can destroy my 8.x version. It’s a bit like forcing someone at gun point to dig their own grave."
If a result seems counter-intuitive, "... it means that's because some of the information you thought was true isn't. Or it is true but there is more important information that you're not considering in your analysis."
“Mayors Against Illegal Guns? I believe the preferred term is "undocumented firearms.'"
“You won’t survive long in the wasteland.”
"I'm math-challenged, but a quick back-of-the-napkin calculation reveals marinara sauce and a little olive."