9th Annual Robb Family Bonfire

Pyrotherapy — Is It For You?

(aka: 9th Annual Robb Family Bonfire)

“Oh, yeah. These guys know how to start a fire.”
— Red Adair

“As a long dead historical personage with a great personal interest in the field, I give them two thumbs up!”
— Nero

“Heh. Burny.”
— Mell W. Kelly

“That Accounts for a Good Deal. It Explains Everything. No Wonder.”
— Eeyore

“Eight years ago, I was in a dead-end, do nothing career that had left me cold. Pyrotherapy inspired me to change my life. As a result, I’m in a new dead-end, do nothing career - but at least now I’m warm!”
— A. Gore

Sam and Shari Robb have been practicing pyrotherapists for nine years [1]. Their proven techniques for stress relief through pyrotherapy [2] has helped countless people find pleasure [3] in the warmth and light that a big ol' honking pile of flaming wood can bring. By engaging all of the senses [4], Sam and Shari work to warm all those under their care. The sight of the fire, the crackling wood, the warmth of the flames [5], the smell of the smoke and cooking hot dogs, the taste of hot, fresh apple cider...all work together to help you forget the stresses of the day and simply enjoy the pleasure of the moment. [6]

And, let's face it. With the current round of political mudslinging, the mortgage bailout fiasco, and the Red Sox loosing their shot at the world series (again), there's nothing quite like the satisfaction of knowing that whatever your cares happen to be, you can always set them on fire.

So come help us celebrate our consistent record of autumn arson by joining us for the 9th Annual Robb Family Bonfire! If you're reading this, and saying, "Whoa... I gotta get me some of that!", but you haven't yet received an invitation, don't despair! Just get in touch with Shari or I, and we'll fill you in on the details (or send you a real, genuine, certified actual email containing the information, which is the same thing, really...)

[1] Not really. I mean, we’re just joking. The lawyers are making us say this, by the way. Not our lawyers, mind you. It was a roving horde of freelance lawyers that stopped by our house one day. We gave them some donuts and promised we’d mention them.
[2] i.e., burning stuff.
[3] Pleasure provided by pyrotherapy (see note [2], above), while nice, is transient. If you are interested in attaining persistent joy, regardless of circumstances (bonfires, roving bands of lawyers, annoying pontificating by political analysts, etc.), please consult with your local Bible-believing pastor or grab a copy of the Bible and look up Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8, and Romans 10:9-10 and 13.
[4] Some sense may not be engaged. Please check your owner's manual for more information. Not responsible for failures to engage senses caused by people who close their eyes or put their fingers in their ears and sing “La-la-la-la-la!”. Those people annoy us.
[5] Caution: fire may be hot. Seriously, dude. We’re lighting, like, a whole tree on fire. We don’t do anything by half measures. Unless you literally want to be “part of the bonfire”, watch out. (Those lawyers made us say this, too, by the way.)
[6] Not responsible for stresses induced by worries that you don’t have enough stress in your life. If that’s all you’ve got, man, then we probably can’t help you - in fact, we envy you.