He Never Failed To Fail - It Was The Easiest Thing To Do

If you have never read Basic Instructions, you absolutely should.

Go on - we'll wait for you.

Great!  Now that you know who Rick is, you will be able to appreciate the true genius of "Asking the Wrong Guy"!  It's absolutely essential to read the comic first and get a feel for Rick, though.  Otherwise you might easily make the mistake of thinking that you are reading something written by Scott Adams, Dave Barry, Hunter F. Thompson [1] or Iowahawk.

For example:

Could you perhaps favor us on investment and preparation for retirement?

--M.P. 

When considering preparations for retirement, it is essential to stick to that which is practical and achievable. To that end, for years now my retirement plan has been The Complete Collapse of Western Civilization. A thorough study of actuarial tables, as well as a brief look at how things go for me, indicate that the descent of the world into a dystopian, post-apocalyptic nightmare deathscape is far more likely than me ever saving enough money to retire to anywhere other than the boiler room at the YMCA. 

Therefore, based on my experience, my advice for you is to start scouting easily-defendable caves and to purchase a nice loincloth while there is still a good selection.

Three posts in, and full of laugh-out-loud writing and a wicked sense of humor.  Overall, an A+ effort.  Frankly, I'm disappointed.  I would have expected far less from Rick.

Poor Rick.  Even as a professional and world-renowned failure, he's a failure.

[1] Hunter Thompson's first [2] clone.  Wicked smaht, as they say.  Unfortunately, he way (literally) a man born [3] out of his own time, and while his observations on the Lerinski/Walhalasha scandal will eventually become the gold standard for psychic attack journalism, you'll need to catch up on over a century years of future history before you can even begin to appreciate his subtle wit.

[2] There were, of course, three clones [4] - Hunter F., Hunter S., and Hunter T.  Word is that Hunter T. is a field expedient repair (biological) assigned to project Skin Horse.  Hunter S. was intended to become the First Emperor of the United States at one point, but then 'Puter took him out the the Leaping Peacock for a weekend, and... well, you know the rest.

[3] Well, OK.  Decanted out of his own time.

[4] Reportedly, the original Hunter Thompson was actually a dull little nobody.  A nomadic wholesale shoe salesman, if I recall correctly.  If it wasn't for the fact that a Tcho-Tcho developed indigestion and stuffed his remaining limbs into the Mandarin's biological samples cabinet, we'd never have known any of the Hunter clones at all.