Minions Wanted

While I may aspire to someday become a nigh invincible evil genius, I'm aware of my limitations.  At the moment, being a mere stripling of only forty-mumble winters, I lack the skills necessary to be a true agent of malevolence in the world.  As such, I'm more of a thinker.

An evil idea man, if you will.

Which is why I'm putting the following idea out there for y'all.  I figure that somewhere out there has to be the person capable of running with this, and hey - who am I to stand in your way?  Your success will just make my victory so much the sweeter when I eventually crush you into dust.  You know, when I get around to it.

Anyways, here it is - the beginnings of a new campaign:

Mock the Vote 2012

Commercial.  Imagine a poisonous little girl.  You've seen Nellie on "Little House on the Prairie", right?  Yeah.  That's exactly who I'm thinking of.


Scene 1: Schoolyard

Nellie is about 9.  A little boy is running around and playing with his friends.

Young girl, to Nellie: Come on, let's play!

Nellie:  Eeeeew!  I don't wanna play with him!  He's dirty!

Young girl (confused, looks at boy): No, he's not...

Nellie (haughty look, superior voice):  Yes, he is.  Everybody knows that!


Scene 2: Junior High

Nellie is about 13,  In the gym.  A basketball game is going on.  Whistle blows, and a young man lines up for a free throw.

Young man: Come on, Jim!  You can do it!

Nellie: Ugh.  Why are you rooting for him?  He steals stuff.  He's a thief.

Young man (looks at Nellie, confused): Huh... what?  No, he's not.

Nellie: Of course he is!  Everybody knows that.


Scene 3: High School

Nellie is about 17.  Bell rings, kids file out to lockers.  A young man is talking with a young lady and laughing.  He turns to his locker, she starts to walk away.  Nellie falls in step with her.

Young lady (seems a little put out at seeing Nellie beside her): Oh, hey - what's up?

Nellie: Why were you talking to him?

Young lady: Oh, Rob? (smiles) He's really cool, he...

Nellie (vehemently, interrupting): No, he's not.  He's a jerk.  He treats girls rotten.

Young lady (taken aback, looks a bit upset): No, he doesn't.  He's sweet!

Nellie: No, he's a jerk.  Everybody knows that.


Scene 4: College

Nellie is about 21.  Two girls talking at a lunch table outside a cafeteria as students walk by.

Nellie: I don't see why you're even thinking about going to that stupid meeting.

Young woman (blinks): Well, I was talking to this one guy and he had some good points about the economy , so...

Nellie (interrupts, forcefully): They're conservatives!  They want to ban birth control!

Young woman (obviously confused at the change in subject): What?

Nellie (smugly): You didn't know that?  It's true.  Everybody knows that.


Scene 4: Nellie Alone

Nellie is now about 25.  She is looking directly into the camera.

Nellie (enthusiastically, all smiles): You really should vote for President Obama!  He's, like, the best President ever!

(pause)

Nellie (smile disappears; low, menacing voice): Everybody knows that.

Fade to black

No comments: