While I may aspire to someday become a nigh invincible evil genius, I'm aware of my limitations. At the moment, being a mere stripling of only forty-mumble winters, I lack the skills necessary to be a true agent of malevolence in the world. As such, I'm more of a thinker.
An evil idea man, if you will.
Which is why I'm putting the following idea out there for y'all. I figure that somewhere out there has to be the person capable of running with this, and hey - who am I to stand in your way? Your success will just make my victory so much the sweeter when I eventually crush you into dust. You know, when I get around to it.
Anyways, here it is - the beginnings of a new campaign:
Mock the Vote 2012
Commercial. Imagine a poisonous little girl. You've seen Nellie on "Little House on the Prairie", right? Yeah. That's exactly who I'm thinking of.
Scene 1: Schoolyard
Nellie is about 9. A little boy is running around and playing with his friends.
Young girl, to Nellie: Come on, let's play!
Nellie: Eeeeew! I don't wanna play with him! He's dirty!
Young girl (confused, looks at boy): No, he's not...
Nellie (haughty look, superior voice): Yes, he is. Everybody knows that!
Scene 2: Junior High
Nellie is about 13, In the gym. A basketball game is going on. Whistle blows, and a young man lines up for a free throw.
Young man: Come on, Jim! You can do it!
Nellie: Ugh. Why are you rooting for him? He steals stuff. He's a thief.
Young man (looks at Nellie, confused): Huh... what? No, he's not.
Nellie: Of course he is! Everybody knows that.
Scene 3: High School
Nellie is about 17. Bell rings, kids file out to lockers. A young man is talking with a young lady and laughing. He turns to his locker, she starts to walk away. Nellie falls in step with her.
Young lady (seems a little put out at seeing Nellie beside her): Oh, hey - what's up?
Nellie: Why were you talking to him?
Young lady: Oh, Rob? (smiles) He's really cool, he...
Nellie (vehemently, interrupting): No, he's not. He's a jerk. He treats girls rotten.
Young lady (taken aback, looks a bit upset): No, he doesn't. He's sweet!
Nellie: No, he's a jerk. Everybody knows that.
Scene 4: College
Nellie is about 21. Two girls talking at a lunch table outside a cafeteria as students walk by.
Nellie: I don't see why you're even thinking about going to that stupid meeting.
Young woman (blinks): Well, I was talking to this one guy and he had some good points about the economy , so...
Nellie (interrupts, forcefully): They're conservatives! They want to ban birth control!
Young woman (obviously confused at the change in subject): What?
Nellie (smugly): You didn't know that? It's true. Everybody knows that.
Scene 4: Nellie Alone
Nellie is now about 25. She is looking directly into the camera.
Nellie (enthusiastically, all smiles): You really should vote for President Obama! He's, like, the best President ever!
(pause)
Nellie (smile disappears; low, menacing voice): Everybody knows that.
Fade to black
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