Sorry for the temporary interruption from the ice cream machine. It's amazing how much time and effort goes into recovering from even a simple little thing like your house burning down.
So, what have you guys been up to in the meantime? Let's see...
Huh. Donald Sterling? Miley Cyrus? A wave of graduation speaker disinvitations? What's this mess over here... OK, who's the idiot who let the "white privilege" folks out of their pens? Trigger warnings all over the place, ugh. They're finally investigating Benghazi, but it's awash in accusations of racism. Gotcha. Obamacare is still a train wreck, progressives are still whining about racism and sexism. Larry Correia and Sad Puppies puts the beat down on the Hugo nomination process, good. Oh, they fired the editor of the NYT because a woman was pushy and wanted paid as much as a man? Très surprenant.
Sheesh... the VA is killing people? We're fighting Boko Haram with hahstags? At least that whole Crimea thing is settled... whaddya mean, no? More hashtags?
Wait, what? Hillary Clinton in 2016?
Sweet mother Mary on a pogo stick, I can't leave you people alone for a minute, can I?