On The Subject Of Nemesii

On another forum today, I kind of indicated that I'd like to be Captain Canuck's nemesis.

I was joking, but the more I thought about it...

Well, you've got to start somewhere, right? All the big-time superheroes have a waiting list, and just getting on the list is brutal. I mean, sure, I'd love to be Superman's nemesis, but dear sweet merciful heaven above - you've got to deal with Brainiac, Doomsday and that little creep Mxyzptlk just to get a shot at it!

So I said to myself, "Self, you need to set your sights appropriately. Grow into threatening the Earth and the multiverse." (I talk to myself like that a lot. It's one of the reasons I know that I truly am cut out to be a nemesis.) As I thought about it, I realized that threatening Canada is actually a pretty good gig. I mean... just take a look at all the perks. There's Tim Hortons, for one. If I'm going to be terrorizing a country, it might as well be a place where I can get a kicking good cup of coffee and a donut to start the day. Poutine, back bacon, beer...

OK, yeah, I know. A little food oriented. It happens. I'm just rolling with it.

Anyways. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Plusses. Great place for a lair - you've got all that scenic north to hide in. Cute girls. Not that I'm interested - married man, after all - but it makes it a whole lot easier to recruit minions, let me tell you. I know one guy getting started off in the nemesis rackets, he's down in DC. Has a heck of a hard time getting good help. "Yes, you'd have to move to Washington. No, DC. Yeah... no, not all the women are screaming feminists wearing pussy hats... hello? Hello?"

Finally, let's be honest - Canadians are just so stinkin' polite. I'm pushing 50, and it is hard finding a superhero who'll let you stop and take a breather when you're in the middle of a tussle. Captain Canuck? "Hey, man. You're looking a little winded. How's aboot we take a break, eh? Maybe grab a coffee at Tim's?" That, right there, is quality superheroing, man. You just don't find that anymore these days, I'm telling you.

What I'm saying is that all adds up to HELLS YEAH, count me in as Captain Canuck's nemesis!