Pi Time

All families develop traditions.  One of ours is texting each other (with out without some silliness) at Pi Time - 3:14 in the afternoon. Setting an alarm to warn you of the approach of Pi Time is one of those things that is Not Done, though.  You have to encounter it on your own - or, more frequently, notice that it's 3:12 and not allow your attention to wander too much.

If you miss Pi Time, but not by too much, it is acceptable to text at 3:15; or, as Eldest Daughter refers to it, Pi's Overlooked, Unloved Older Brother.

12:34 is also significant, though not nearly as fun as Pi Time.

Al & Mel

I'm not sure what I can say, other that that (a) I think this is probably the funniest thing I've ever written, and (b) I must have re-read it a dozen times, and it still makes me laugh.

What can I say.  I amuse myself.

Zaravorkal the grad student sorcerer discussing fatherhood with his best friend, former roommate, and current DARPA Dark Projects employee, Melchior the lich...

“I’m telling, you, Mel,” he said. “I love her more than life itself, but I’m not sure I can take much more of the pooping.”

“Wait,” said Mel. “Is this about Betty? Because that’s way TMI.”

Al punched Mel in the shoulder. “No! It’s Grace. She’s a freaking little poop machine. She just started walking, too.” He shuddered. “So now she’s cute little walking, cooing, poop generator.”

Mel shrugged. “That’s kids for you, man. How bad is it, though? Really?”

Al started at him. “It. Is. Vile. Amazingly vile. Sometimes, the smell is… ugh.” He gulped. “I get nauseous just thinking about it.”

“Seriously?” said Mel. “Didn’t you have to visit the slime pits of Maduphari as part of a graduate seminar?”

“Yeah,” Al said. “I had to wade through the sewers of Calcutta just to get to the pits. This is worse. She kicks when you change her.” He reached over and grabbed Mel’s shoulder. “She kicks. Mel, she gets it everywhere when she kicks.” He shook Mel. “Everywhere. Everywhere. WHICH INCLUDES IN MY MOUTH.”

Mel opened his mouth, then closed it again. After a moment, he spoke. “Al. Al. I am animated skeleton. I completely lack a digestive system. Despite the fact that it is absolutely physically impossible, I am pretty sure that I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”

There Are Holes In Our Reality

The things that you come up with when you're sitting by the fire late at night...

(Sung to the tune of "There's a Hole at the Bottom of the Sea")

There are holes in our reality.
There are holes in our reality.
There are holes,
Squamous holes,
There are holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

There's a universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a universe,
It's the worst,
There's a universe beyond the holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

There's a sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
A sun that's really old,
With fusion burning cold,
There's a sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

There's a world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
Ancient and dry,
Where Things go to die,
There's a world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

There's a sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
It's calm and green,
With an oily sheen,
There's a sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

There's a city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
The angles are all wrong,
You can't look at them too long,
There's a city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

There's a thing in the city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a thing in the city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
Not dead which eternal lies,
Showing even death may die,
There's a thing in the city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.

C'thu-loooo!

There's a dream in the head of the thing in the city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
There's a dream in the head of the thing in the city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.
It's good it dreams so slow,
Trust me - YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
There's a dream in the head of the thing in the city under the sea on the world near the sun in the universe beyond the holes in our reality.

Oooh-wooo!

How I Feel...

... when I see people saying that it's time to "fall in line" and vote for Trump:

I'll be voting for the Unicorn Cavalry in November.